Podcast Companion: Session #8 – Who Are You, Really

Simply put, when a person has a good self-concept and they are congruent they are creative. When a person has a poor self-concept and they are incongruent they destructive.

“The time you feel lonely; is the time you most need to be by yourself.”– Douglas Copeland

“When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Rogers

“All that matters in the end is that I’ve been heard.”– Liz Phair

“I no longer can remember my pre-internet brain.” – Douglas Coupland


5 Characteristics of the fully functioning person:  Carl Rogers


  1. Open to experience: Both positive and negative emotions accepted. Negative feelings are not denied, but worked through (rather than resorting to ego defense mechanisms).


  1. Existential living: In touch with different experiences as they occur in life, avoiding prejudging and preconceptions. Being able to live and fully appreciate the present, not always looking back to the past or forward to the future (i.e., living for the moment).


  1. Trust feelings: Feeling, instincts, and gut-reactions are paid attention to and trusted. People’s own decisions are the right ones, and we should trust ourselves to make the right choices.


  1. Creativity: Creative thinking and risk-taking are features of a person’s life. A person does not play safe all the time. This involves the ability to adjust and change and seek new experiences.


  1. Fulfilled life: A person is happy and satisfied with life, and always looking for new challenges and experiences.

Not fully attainable.

Interesting to study: Western Culture applies this to the individual. Eastern Culture tend to apply this to the group. What do you think about that?

  1. Who are you?
  2. Why are you that way?
  3. What are you going to do with who you are and why you’re that way?

My challenge to you is do you want to know yourself better, more fully? If so, what are you going to do about that? And what are you waiting for?

The Take Five Inventory and Action Plan:  Jeremy J. Lanning

Take Aim:

This is where you choose to take time and be with yourself, authentically. You are making a decision here to put forth personal effort for healthy personal gain. You are taking control of this particular moment in time and deciding to feel and do better, in an authentic and personally intimate way.

Take Measure:

This is where you ask yourself, “how am I feeling,” and “how am I doing.” I like to see people doing fair in at least one of these two areas at any given time. You could be feeling decent but not doing particularly well. Maybe your mood is okay but things are building up and home or work. Or maybe work is good and you’re on top of tasks at home but you are feeling blue or dark or sad. Generally, we strive for moments where these two paths intersect and we are feeling and doing well. Also we will find that we’re struggling in both of these areas at the same time. There is no good or bad here. It’s just information that directs us to make the most of the moments that make up our life. A good indicator that works well here is our personal relationships. How are they? Do you feel connected? Congruent? Generally, the state of our daily relationships is a good indicator whether we are properly adjusted or in need of care and repair.

**Remember this isn’t about feeling good and happy vs. feeling bad and sad. You can be in any emotional state and be genuine, congruent, stable, and in control of your thoughts, emotions, and actions.**

 Take Care:

You’ve made the choice to do something about the way you’re feeling and functioning. You’ve looked at yourself honestly, measuring and assessing your current state of being. Now care for yourself. This is an area of struggle for most of us. Do we know ourselves well enough to care for ourselves? In this moment, if you were to truly give in to your personal needs, what would you do? I like to be still, physically. Standing there knowing I am not feeling well, not doing well, I may cancel an appointment or reschedule a task. I may then lay down flat and set a timer or alarm for 15 minutes covering my eyes with a hot rag. Other ideas from clients include, aroma therapy, hot tea, a nap, a facewash. Whatever “it” is, it has to be personal and thoughtful and it has to generate some level of personal gratitude. It has to be glaringly evident that you are caring for yourself.

 Take Action:

This is where you do something. You’ve got the information you need, now act. The cure for most things is action. My suggestion is that at this point you engage in some form of action or activity with a purpose. Maybe it’s as simple as carrying on your daily activities and responsibilities. Maybe it’s taking a walk or a hot shower. Something meaningful to you. Some suggestions that have been shared with me are journaling, walking, coloring, yard work, driving, reading, sewing, car maintenance, etc. This is truly up to you to experiment with and refine.

Take Notes:

 This one is simple and essential. When you have successfully navigated this moment for yourself, look back and pay attention to what is noticeable. Ask yourself, “what worked,” and “what didn’t work.” Then take notes. Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.

**This is a guideline of suggestions from professional and personal experience. Your task is to interact with the concepts here in the structure that is presented and then make it your own because you are worth it.**


1 Comment

  1. JoHanna on November 10, 2018 at 11:04 am

    Great advice!