Write Your Spouse or Partner a Love Letter…Today.

What would it take for you to write your spouse or partner a love letter today? Ask yourself that question and see what answer you get. What would be the reason not to? It would literally change the course of your day. Are things going so well for you as a couple that it wouldn’t make a difference? Are things going so poorly that it would hardly seem appropriate? What fears do you have as you think about this? Will it be rejected? Will it be reciprocated? What hopes do you have for the letter, should you write it? Will it lead to physical intimacy, spark romantic behavior, conjure up old memories of courtship and the pursuit of closeness? There’s only one way to find out, isn’t there? Write it, and give it with confidence.

Practically Speaking

One of the relationship principles I teach my clients is to “never withhold anything you are willing to freely give.” This could be a hug, a term or endearment, encouragement, or an unexpected love letter, handwritten and meaningful. Take down the scoreboard in your house. Freely and unconditionally give your lover a letter. A letter that is the maximum amount of truth in the fewest amount of words. Not sure how to write a love letter? Afraid to write a love letter? Let me help you.

10 Steps To An Effective Love Letter


Here is a format that I have created for you to use. #1. Address your spouse or partner. “Dear So and So.” #2. Acknowledge your spouse or partner as a presence in your life and show gratitude. “I have noticed you today, deeply. Thank you for choosing to be here in my life. #3. Declare the letter. “I’m writing you this love letter in an attempt to express myself and how I feel about you.” #4. Describe how you feel about your spouse or partner. “I love you dearly. I am so thankful for you. I need you in my life and having you close brings me comfort.” #5. Notice something specific about your spouse or partner. “I saw that you got up early this morning and got some work done. Thank you for working so hard and for being a responsible person.” 


#6. Recall a fond memory. “I was thinking about our first vacation and how I couldn’t keep my eyes off you.” #7. Plan on connecting later in a specific way. “I would really enjoy taking a walk with you later while holding hands.” #8. Close with confidence. “Thank you for receiving my letter. I love you and I want today to be a success for us. I want you, I need you, and I love you…now, more than ever.” #9. Leave your name. “With love, So and So, Your Spouse or Partner. #10. Don’t forget the P.S. Something romantic. “P.S. I’m looking forward to being close to you.” 

A Note

It is certainly important that you personalize the letter for yourself. This is a loose guide. Don’t be afraid to be creative. Take a risk. Your lover is worth it…and so are you.

A Quote
“I have never known anyone in my life who actually believed I was enough, until I met you, and you made me believe it too. So, uh…unfortunately… I need you. And you need me.”
Jamie Randall (Jake Gyllenhaal) – Love and Other Drugs