COUNSELING & PSYCHOTHERAPY

Men, This Blog’s for You

It’s been awhile since I could say I loved myself as well…

How are you? Maybe you’re alone. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re happy. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re a father. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you can’t be. Maybe that ship has sailed. Maybe you’re lost. Maybe you’ve finally been found. Maybe you’re in love. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re in-between. Maybe you served your country. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe things have always been okay. Maybe you have a ton of stuff. Maybe you’re broke and have nothing but what you owe. Maybe you’re alive and vibrant. Maybe you’re only here because you’ve failed to kill yourself. Maybe you’re working. Maybe you’re not. Maybe your parents are dead. Maybe they aren’t. Maybe you’re a man… and maybe, just maybe… you’re a good one. How do you feel about yourself? Do you look around and rely on the state of your surroundings to define you? What is it that you need to just feel okay? I know for myself, I have spent a large part of my life feeling misunderstood, only to arrive at 43 years old in 2018 and have that completely confirmed and affirmed. Life is hard right now, right? Whether you’re 18, 25, 33, 43, or 63, relax, what you are experiencing is normal and I’m feeling it too. We have to love ourselves and each other through this. There are people counting on us. Yes, there are people counting on you, even if you don’t think there are.

The consequences that are rendered, I stretch myself beyond my means…

Do you have the luxury to do whatever it is that you want to do, or are there… expectations? Are you aware that if a profession has a high rate of death, you will be expected to perform? 94% of industrial deaths and accidents are men (NIOSH.) Are you aware that if a fight breaks out between our country and another, you’ll be expected to volunteer to die? 99.9% of historical combat deaths are men. 97% are men since the first Gulf War (DOD.) How about this timely statistic? Men are the overwhelming majority of rape victims in the United States. 300, 000 men are raped per year (GOV.) A United Nations Statistical Report is produced annually regarding male on female rape, which is equally horrific, and here’s the number, 250,000 rapes or attempted rapes span 65 developed countries per year, for perspective. Female on male rape and female on female rape are ignored altogether. How about this? If you get divorced (67% of divorce filings are women) you have a 16% chance of getting custody of your children and an even a smaller chance of seeing them over 43% of the time (15% really.) Just so you know the family court system counts any amount of time physically seeing your child as 24 hours, even if it’s just the court ordered 2 hours (CENSUSGOV.) Want more good news? Of the 15 leading causes of death… men lead in twelve of the categories (CDC.) You want more? Ok. How about the blatant anti-male discrimination in the criminal justice system? Here are the average sentences for the same crime, by gender. Female, 18.5 months. Male, 51.6 months (NCFM.) 76% of homicides are men and 80% of suicides are men. We are the bearers of death and tragedy. What is my point? Life is hard and unfair. It certainly is for women and children as well, of course it is. We are called to rise above it and take our responsibilities seriously because well beyond our means are the people that need us to be good men. You only have two choices, respond or retreat. Your call.

Just one more peaceful day…

What would it take for you to have a peaceful day? A peaceful day where at the end of it you could be proud of yourself, for what you did, and for what you didn’t do. Get it? If you want a life worth living, you are going to have to do the work. You, like me, are going to have to love yourself, give beyond your means, and work for peace among yourself and all that surrounds you. If the only recipe you have is for making excuses, you’re screwed, and so is everything around you. Please… forget the chatter that surrounds you. You are a good man. You have a lot to offer. You need to be loved. You have to talk more. You have to ask for help. Give the people around you more credit. They can handle you getting healthier. Don’t worry, if they can’t handle it, they’ll leave and become a problem elsewhere. You are so much more valuable than you think you are. So much more valuable than what the numbers above assume. Set your mind free and take risks. Get your heart healthy and into the world. What good is a treasure if it stays in the chest? Love yourself and remember… I love you too.

 

 

 

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